'Your God person puts an apple tree in the middle of a garden and says, do what you like, guys, oh, but don't eat the apple. Surprise surprise, they eat it and he leaps out from behind a bush shouting "Gotcha". It wouldn't have made any difference if they hadn't eaten it.'

'Why not?'

'Because if you're dealing with somebody who has the sort of mentality which likes leaving hats on the pavement with bricks under them you know perfectly well they won't give up. They'll get you in the end.'

... and God is a blind driver sitting at the wheel.

I asked God for bike, but I know God does not work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

God is definitely a woman.

Always telling us what to do and making us feel guilty.

Difference between a dog and a cat:

These people feed me, shelter me and love me... They must be God.

These people feed me, shelter me and love me... I must be God.

God is cruel. Sometimes he makes you live.

God always punishes us for what we can't imagine.

There may be fairies, there may be elves, but God helps those who help themselves.

If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.